Zenda Whittington’s birthday dinner coming up. She was gonna have it at the Kitchen Bar but ends up doing a switcheroo at the last minute to some Turkish type place. All Sex in Suburbs Moms and hubbies will be there barr for Princess Grant who is jetsetting somewhere overseas with Mr Delic… Am looking forward to sophisticated evening of good company and witty inspiring conversation!
8:30 : I arrive late cos was at work function. Didn’t know quite what to wear...slapped on aladdin type pants with white collared shirt and waistcoat. Lucy Dover had saved me seat next to her. Snippie looks at my waistcoat and promptly announces that she cant wear waistcoats cos of her ample um…errr …lets just say ‘they’ are quite ample enough. Mr Forsythe smiles quietly under his breath.
9:00 We eat and eat …ridiculous amounts of hummus. Am a fan of chickpeas but a growing rumbling in my gut suggests I have overdone it this time!
9:20 We are just about to finish eating when the lights dim. 2 bellydancers come out accompanied by a Short-Man –with- a- big- microphone. The girls start dancing.
9:25 Girls are good.The men in restaurant seem mesmerised by their midriffs and the women in the restaurant look a little fearful of said midriffs, and stare politely into their hummus and falafels. Have always wanted to learn bellydancing myself. Apparently its very cool thing to do to get in touch with your sensuality (not to mention a great ab workout!!) I could be super swanky harem girl…with ruby in bellybutton and rollicking hips to match …
9:30 Arrggghhh …my Arabian fantasies are interrupted by Short- Man- with –Big-Mic, who has started singing. I thought perhaps a cat was getting strangled somewhere. I like World Music really I do. I have the Putamayo Complete Works at home …and love the ‘Turkish Groove’ CD,…but this is more ‘groan’ then ‘groove’….
9:45 Ok sounds like the longest- song- in -the –existence- of mankind is coming to an end. We look forward to being able to talk to eachother again. Still have high hopes for the ‘witty and inspiring conversation’. Applause for bellydancing girls. Applause for Short- Man –with – Big- Mic. Hooray it has come to an end.
9:47 Oh No!!! Music starts up again …just as loud. And Short -Man -with - Big - Mic starts singing again and belly dancing girls try and get restaurant patrons to join in dancing..
9:55 Short -Man -with -Big -Mic is still singing
10:10 Short -Man -with -Big -Mic is still singing
10:27 Short –Man- with - Big -Mic is still singing
10:38 Short –Man- with -Big -Mic is still singing and we have started doing our own sign language around the table in order to communicate with eachother…
10:50 Short –Man- with- Big- Mic is still singing and Mr Dover has put a serviette over his head and gone to sleep
11:05 Short -Man -with -Big –Mic is still singing and Zenda’s friend is entertaining us (cos we cant talk) with her rendition of ‘1001 uses for a pita bread’.
11:17 Short -Man -with -Big -Mic is still singing and the entire table has torn off pieces of pita bread and stuck them in their ears to try and ward off the noise. We all look like a bunch of Shrek wannabes.
11:22 Short –Man- with -Big -Mic …takes a break!!!!!…for about 5 secs to have a drink ….and then he continues….Arrgggghhhh!.....for a brief moment all the cats in the neighborhood came out of mourning!
11:30 Short-Man-with-Big-Mic is still singing….We give up!!! …and tumble onto the dance floor. If you cant beat em …join em! (Just hope I don’t get ambushed by a gang of street cats when I go home!!)
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