Mon 19th
7:00am
Yikes! Only a week and a half before I leave to go on Lake Kariba trip with Sex In The Suburbs Moms, and have only just taken a look at my body now and made the outdated and way to late decision to try and do SOMETHING about my reasonably tired flesh. Must commit. Must try. Must be disciplined!
Thurs 23d
17:34pm
Wow! Only 5 days to go till Kariba D Date Departure and The Vast- Gym- Strategy,- Sleek Body –Alignment- and –No- Sugar -Wheat – Dairy - Or- Anything- Nice Tasting diet plan has UN magically NOT transpired. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
Fri 24th
12:35am
Snippie Forsythe sends an sms : ‘Plan of action for Kariba bikini wearing tactics. Wear a brightly coloured sarong . This coupled with a plunging cleavage will draw attention to your ‘desirables’ so that a male’s eye is not tempted to wander down to wobbly areas!’
12:43am
I send a message back saying: ‘Please can I borrow THAT sarong and YOUR cleavage!’
In truth Snippie does have a fab cleavage! But I am wondering what I can offer up as a distraction from my ‘grey washed up bits’. Am starting to hit panic station. As seconds tick away it signals less time for muscle toning and skin tightening to happen. What’s a girl to do??!
Am pre menstrual and therefore in the mood to eat an entire table’s contents of meals AND the whole said table. But I will commit to trying to ‘do the healthy thing’…will surely shave off a few centimeters by eating pineapple slices and lentil stew? Will start tomorrow after I have finished this Alfredo Pasta.
Sat 25th
8:25am
Start of day with mango, watermelon, pomegranate seeds and Essential Super Seed Mix.
10:34am
Have Hummus and crudités for mid morning snack
1:03pm
Have Patrick Holford artichoke cleansing salad type thingie for lunch
2:59 pm
Have one block of toblerone nougat choc for mid afternoon snack
3:22pm
Have raspberry and pear smoothie
3:24pm
Have another 3 bars of toblerone nougat choc
3:25pm
Have last night’s left over spaghetti bolognaise
3:30pm
Have toast with peanut butter and apricot jam
6:15pm
Have Patrick Holford’s pumpkin and coconut soup for supper…followed by a chicken pie, mashed potato ……and the rest of the toblerone nougat chocolate….(because I was so good …)
Sun 26th
11:45am
Okay am at shops and I have 2.5 hours to find a reasonably priced bikini that will make my almost 40 something post pregnancy body resemble a 21 year old fashion TV Ukranian Supermodel…..
12:45pm
Crap! Its Winter and there is not so much as a hibiscus smeared swimming suit in sight!
1:05pm
1:37pm
Ok. Have gone to surfer type shop. Only 20 somethings hanging out here. They stare with shocked expressions as I stand in a coat and scarf and then grab a black spangly bikini and a multi coloured island number and march off to the dressing rooms.
1:45pm
Crap Crap Crap! Am standing here wearing teenybopper bikini and looking at my tired body. What happened to me? Where did my 6 pack go? Why do I look so un-loved? AAAARRRGGGGH! All Sex In Suburbs Moms going on boat are seriously gorgeous! Will be the ONLY frumpy hausfrau there! Zenda Whittington is skinny and incorrigibly vivacious. Lucy Dover is yoganista babe and prettily cool. Snippie Forsyth is Amazon stunning with uber fab legs, and Princess Grant is petite dynamite sugar ‘n spice.
And then there’s …..me.
Tues 28th
4:44pm
Get sms from Snippie Forsythe: ‘Crisis! – I was going to wear my children’s beautiful sarongs that we brought in 
Wed 29th
11:12pm
Am armed with sarongs and cellulite cream. Board plane not thinking of sun and fun to come… but just keep hoping and praying that cabin pressure wont make my skin firming lotion pop all over my tummy flattening bikini pants.
Thurs 30
12:10
Eventually we arrive in Kariba. Woooweee! Our Houseboat is a beaut and we feel like rockstars. Zenda Whittington squeals with delight and says, “ Omigosh..I think I am Beyonce!"
12:37
All hands on deck! Well all bronzed bods that is! Yikes! I have to go up there and expose my flesh. But I slowly start realsising that everyone , no matter how gorgeous they are , EVERYONE has some or other issue with their bodies. But the difference is that they (unlike buzz kill here!) they wont let it stop them from having fun and feeling the sun on their skin.
7:43pm
Have been so vainly obsessed that I haven’t noticed croc mafia in the waters or silky black comorants or go slo elephants looking on like wise old men. Fish eagle cries and laughing hippos have cajoled me into feeling yummy in my own beloved body again. Still am glued to my sarong, Still weary of my battered tummy. But I feel more in my skin than I have in a long time.
Full moon lights up dam like a wildlife spotlight on an African Dream nightime extravaganza. Feel that tight freshness of a sunblessed skin. Fat rolls still …rolling. But soul sighing languid. Moon is so in -your –face- beautiful that I suggest to Lucy Dover we do Hatha Yoga sun salutations…. but we do them to the moon….
7:59pm
Lucy and I on top deck yoganist-ing up a storm. Exhaling and inhaling thru exercises. It feels unreal -ly alive. In the distance a crocodile rolls and a hippo laughs at some silly hippo joke…
Note to self: to feel comfortable in body one must feel comfortable in soul first? And to honour soul, must one honour body….
2nd Note to self: I went to Kariba and got a …moontan.
YeeHaa!
(Fri 1st
10:45
Snippie Forsythe sits resplendent up on the deck in one of her tankini’s (Only in Benoni!). She reads a magazine and announces that apparently Cleopatra endorsed a face masque made from donkey’s milk and crocodile dung…suddenly she stops reading and surveys the surrounding shoreline with deep intensity….luckily donkey’s are not national treasures around these parts or else I am convinced that the crocs would have had a fight on their hands!)
Roxy's WHASSUP for April/May 2010!
Roxy's WHASSUP for March 2010!
Roxy's WHASSUP for Feb 2010!